I'm Sorry (You're Welcome)

*Customers interested in the robe format: the robes have already had the embroidery done ahead of time, but there is some custom tailoring that needs to be done for the headphones and MP3 player pocket. As a result, it can take 2 weeks or so from the day your order is placed until we will be able to ship it. Please keep that in mind when placing an order and selecting your shipping options. Thank you!

I have wanted to make this album for a long time. I first thought of the idea about 10 years ago, originally as a 100-CD album (Somebody said I’d only have to sell 5,000 copies to have a Gold record! Take that, Peter Frampton!). Basically, what began as a half-joke, half-dream that I’d sometimes mention to friends, morphed into a much-more feasible idea of a 10-disc album (I think of things in terms of CDs because I grew up in the 90s, just like 80-year-olds still refer to radio as “The Invisible President”). I decided to start working on it. In general, I make a lot of lists. So, I created a document on my desktop called, “The Box Set CD Blueprint,” (even though there won’t be a CD version of this album, because only Neil Young has a CD player and he won’t let anyone borrow it) and began coming up with ideas for discs. Here are some of them:

1) Terrible sound FX trying to actually sound like the thing with my mouth

2) Me crying for 45 minutes

3) Ringtones

4) Whispering secrets to my dick

5) A comedy album to be played for different animals (cats, dogs, horses, goats, birds and even an alligator!)

6) Me yelling at inanimate objects

7) Talking over ocean sounds and music helping someone relax/go to sleep (recorded live at an ocean)

8) Songs

9) Words to Make Love To — Seven Inspirational Sex Tracks 

10) Field recording of going hunting for the first time

(And many more...)

Some of these ideas made it onto this album, some morphed into something similar and some turned out to be funny-sounding, but less-practical once I started thinking about what it would be. Though who knows, maybe once I Goggle cat and horse brain stuff (I meant to write Google, but laughed at Goggle and left it), I’ll figure out a way to pretend earnestly that I’m telling them jokes? I just looked up which animals can laugh and it looks promising — non-human primates, rats and dogs maybe laugh, but it’s unclear if they have a form of a sense of humor. I guess I’ll show a rat the movie Pixels and see what he thinks? (Side note — I think people would be much more forgiving to Adam Sandler if he just admitted he was now making movies only for animals).

Oh, also, the first disc contains a full set of live standup recorded at Columbia City Theater in Seattle, WA June 6, 7, & 8, 2014.

I’m sorry. You’re welcome. 

Sincerely,

Eugene Mirman